don't cry.
- Aarushi....
- Jul 9, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 10, 2020
People cry when they have no other way to express themselves, when words do not suffice. The cry from extreme happiness , and sadness, or pain.Yet crying from sadness or pain are so much more common than ever crying out of joy. Is it because people experience crippling pain or sadness so much more often compared to being simply happy and feeling loved?
Sometimes, we cry ourselves to sleep. This doesn't mean that we cry in order to calm down, it means that we get so exhausted from crying that we pass out. Everyone has cried by themselves all alone at night at some point in their lives. When everything seems so hopeless and we dread morning. When there's this person inside of us , this hurt who's screaming out in pain , and every passing second just amplifies the hurt, the bottomless pit into which you're being plunged, or drowned in , as it sometimes feels.
Sometimes, your head just feels like an endless , bottomless ocean, and there's an anchor tied to your ankle. You gasp for breath but it's impossible to breathe , you keep drowning, over and over. Nothing makes sense anymore and the waves keep crashing against your skull, threatening to tear it open and flowing out from your eyes in a thin , unrelenting stream of salt water. There's sirens screaming over the harsh cold winds that blow in circles , over and over in endless cycles of hated thoughts and terror. The water slowly seeps into your lungs and your eyes start blacking out from the corners. And , in the end, you're numb. You just don't feel anymore. There's no more pain, there's nothing. Just empty dark oceans all around.
Sometimes you're thrown off a cliff, you plunge into the void . The voices won't stop saying things, mean, hurtful and true things that makes you want to fall faster to reach the end, to just stop. It's explosive , it makes you want to pull out every hair on your head , desperate to numb everything. The wind pushes you up but you don't want it , nothing good seems worth it, it's fake, they don't really mean it. They meant it when they told you that were useless, a burden , that you were just not good enough, that you would never be good enough. They meant it when they looked at you in disgust, with loathing and hatred. You keep falling, endlessly , praying that you hit the floor soon.
sometimes , it's none of those. Sometimes , it's just pain. There's someone inside you that hurts so bad, that there's nothing else that you can do but cry. The thing inside your chest, trapped somewhere in you rib cage pounds on your skin , squeezing out your heart , screaming and crying from the pain from everything that hurts. It's not human, or an animal , it hurts too much, it's unexplainable, a creature composed of grief. It wakes up at the slightest provocation and when it does, it cries , it cries, it screams like a child, and it takes a lot of strength to fight the urge to cry with it. You try to calm it down, to reassure it with pretty lies , but it is inside you, it is a part of you and lying to yourself is not an easy thing to do. For some it cries for weeks on end , for some it never wakes , and some befriend it.
Some people cry when they see a loved one cry. As though sadness were permeable through the air , they cry from a sort of conductive sadness, having no participation in it's cause. Everything feels so hopeless and the feeling of crippling helplessness, When you can't think of any words when you want to hug them, but you can't because there's some barrier, some screen, some people that stop you from doing so.
Crying isn't for the weak. It is a form of expression, same as laughing or smiling. Strong people cry too, sometimes, strong people are the ones who have cried the most. That's because they have had experiences that caused them to cry, that they climbed out of, that they survived. The ones who have cried the most have the most beautiful smiles. Sadness slows down, it isn't permanent. It may not go away, but happy things will also happen. Don't cry anymore, they're not worth it. You are stronger than you think you are. And you will make it through.
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